I wish I had a digital camera

Ok..so I'm at work...right now.

A group of punk/goth kids just walked by.

The one closest to the window was all in black...and had a contraption...made to look like a big, fat, long, raccoon tail sticking out from his butt.

I was just killing myself laughing!!

WAY too funny! I wish I could show you a picture.

Kids are so weird these days!!


Does that make me sound old?

I'm my worst enemy!

So Sunday right after church...Keri & I went to Starbucks. I almost ordered the right thing this time. I always have to have Keri around...because she's the only one who can seem to say it right. I think coffee places have way too many options...non-fat, no foam, sugar-free...etc. It's a good thing I don't drink coffee...it'd probably take me 10 minutes to decide my options and relay that in words.

Anyways...I ordered a Passion tea lemonade with a shot of raspberry (I think). I like to good off a bit...as anyone who knows me can attest too. So while I'm waiting for my drink, I spot the container full of still-wrapped straws. So I grab one, rip the top off and proceed to put the still 1/2 covered straw into my mouth. I like to blow the rest of the paper off the end of the straw. I managed that...however...I was a good..albeit stupid girl. I pick up my litter. I crumple it up and am about to deposit that in my purse (don't ask me why) and I managed to hit the end of the straw. The straw was in my mouth. :( That bloody thing smacked right up into the roof of my mouth!! I didn't know it was possible to make a hole in the roof of my mouth.

Don't you just love the taste of blood? (*dry heave*)

I'm sure people thought it was a bit strange seeing a girl with a napkin hanging out of her mouth.

But then again, they don't know me very well. If anyone can do something strange/stupid....it's probably me.

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almostinstantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be too afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD40 and Duct Tape.If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Pics from Sriracha Tiger Zoo in Thailand.

First I'd like to say that if you received an email about a California Tigress who adopted some Piglets.....that is completely false. The Pictures were actually taken at the Sriracha Tiger Zoo, near Bangkok. Sriracha Tiger zoo is first opened for tourists on April 23, 1997. It is situated at no. 341 Moo 3, Nongkham Sub-district, Sriracha District, Chonburi Province, with the area of more than 100 acres. The zoo consists of more than 200 Bengal tigers and 100,000 crocodiles. In addition to various kinds of animals, it also provides many activities for tourists to enjoy. As it happens, this sort of intermingling of species is not at all unusual at the Sriracha Tiger Zoo, where "creating successful relationships with animals of different species" is something of a guiding principle. The facility, more accurately described as part zoo and part circus, boasts offbeat attractions like basketball-playing elephants, "lady crocodile wrestlers," and a petting zoo where customers can bottle-feed baby tigers with their own bare hands. Visitors have reported seeing tigers, pigs, and dogs all housed together within the same enclosure, with sows nursing tiger cubs and tigresses nursing piglets "adorned in tiger-print costumes."

The costumes are strictly for show, by the way. The mother tiger pictured above, who has been photographed on other occasions suckling piglets au naturel, was herself nursed by a pig in infancy and apparently regards the other species as family, not prey. (had to put in a picture of the crocodile people too)

I haven't been here, but I thought the concept was pretty cool. I guess their theory is right. If an animal is kept properly fed, you don't have to worry about him/her looking at their playmates as food. :P

A Friday Funny

George Bush decides to speak at a primary school, to do a bit of P.R.

After speaking for a while, he asks the children if there are any
questions.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support
of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?

Oh, that's right: question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points

him out and asks him his name. "Bobby," he responds.

"And what is your question, Bobby?"

"Actually, I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without
the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more
votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what
the hell happened to Stanley?

Anubis, My Weird Dog.

So I have 2 adorable (but bratty) chihuahuas. The Female, Kiya, LOVES vegetables. When she sees you cutting up lettuce in the kitchen ... she goes absolutely nutty! She'll jump at me trying to knock the lettuce out of my hand...and whine, and beg and stand up with her paws against my leg. She acts like it's a T-Bone steak. The only thing she loves more than lettuce is brussel sprouts.

Anubis on the other hand, HATES vegetables. Lettuce, carrots, corn ... etc. But LOVES meat! Which is probably why Anubis is quite a bit chunkier than Kiya.

Yesterday, was my best friends birthday. So for breakfast, I made her sausage, hasbrowns, vegetable omelette (ok..it was more of a scramble because I can never flip that bloody thing properly) and tea. I thought I would try an experiment with Anubis. He likes eggs, and cheese. So I gave him a piece of egg scramble that had cheese on it...and a little piece of asparagus in the middle. (hee hee) He grabbed that out of my hand and straight into his mouth. He seemed to enjoy the egg...until he found the piece of asparagus. You know how baby's use their tongue to spit out things when they don't like something?? That was Anubis. blech, blech, blech. He looked so disgusted. I got that look from him...Maaaaaaaahmm....how could you do that to me??? A vegetable??? Do I look like a vegetarian to you???

I guess my experiment failed.

At least he will eat chunks of tomato. But only after a few licks, which remind him that a tomato is actually a fruit ... not a vegetable.

I guess it's back to the drawing board. I WILL get him to eat his veggies! I just need to find a better trick.

Laws of the Universe

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it