The Cold, Hard, Scarey Truth About Me

I can't believe I'm writing this. But this blog is supposed to be all about me. So I'll tell you something that only...and I mean ONLY, my best friend knows. I am 29 (soon to be the big 3-oh) 5 ft 4 inches tall .... and no, that's not the secret. I currently weigh 235 pound. Holy crap, I can't I believe I'm admitting it! I also can't believe that I'm that fat! Yes, I let it happen and I only have myself to blame. So I made a vow to myself....this is the year that I am going to put my health and losing the weight as my top priority. Of course, I also say this only 3 days in. Ok, fine...2 days of eating healthy and 3 days of exercise. I have made many attempts at losing the weight. Only one was successful...but then the drinking & partying of a youth ... then the death of one of my best friends ... well let's just say I gained everything I lost and then some!!! That's no excuse. I'm not going to make any excuses anymore. I hate myself, I hate looking in the mirror and seeing what I've become. I avoid seeing my reflection in a window...I really hate how I look. I detest having my picture taken...I guess that's why I usually make funny faces. I'd rather have people laugh with/at me because I look like a goof, rather than look at me and the first thing they think is ..'look how fat she is'. Anyways, I'm sick of hearing myself whine about how fat & ugly I am. So it's time I get off my duff and do something about it. You may wonder why in the world am I writing this where anyone can see it??? I'm not quite sure myself, but I'm hoping that this will help me to be more accountable. I'm getting up at 5:30am to do aerobics and I'm following the weight watchers program (by myself, not at their meetings) and writing down what I eat in a journal. The journal I'm hoping will help me with..if I'm afraid to write it down...maybe I shouldn't eat it. Darn! I guess that leaves out finishing off a box of turtles. (just kidding...I've never done this....I thought about it, but I didn't do it!) I WILL do this, even if it takes a couple of years. So I will be posting some updates about my progress or lack of it. I am going to make myself accountable to you...my whole 3 fans! :P