No I'm not PMSing

Due to a lack of funds, it's a rare occasion that my best friend and I get to go out. So today after church we went to see a movie and then treated ourselves to a sit down lunch. We went to Copper Penny, which is one of our favorite restaurants. We went to see 'Tristan & Isolde'. Set in the time before Britain was a united Nation. I guess this is what guys call a chick flick. I thought it was good movie, despite the ending. If a movie doesn't end the way I want it too...then that usually ruins it for me. Like in 'Braveheart', I was hoping for a happy ending even if in reality the story has a sad ending. So I've never watched the whole thing again. I refuse to watch the ending where he dies. My friend Tim, who is from Scotland, says the movie portrays him in a good light. Tim didn't like that, he said that William Wallace killed as the English did, without thought as to whether it was man, woman or child. I find other peoples opinions interesting, but that is a moo point for this blog. (Yes, I know it's 'moot', but ever since I saw the episode of friends where Joey calls it a moo point...I kinda liked that and it stuck) The movie I just watched was a movie with romance and a bit of action. It got me thinking about myself. I'm sure as it is with most people, I don't like people to know the real me. (Ask my best friend!) I've spent years putting up walls, and I have no intention of ever letting anyone else in. (Without a HUGE fight) A person has to have defenses, it's self preservation. I pretend to be this tough girl, but I'm not. I pretend I think of men just as pieces of meat to be looked at and drooled over. I mean, yes, some men are beautiful and deserve to be drooled after, but just a beautiful face is just that. Just a face. I confuse myself, I don't know how someone can understand me when I can't even understand myself. I love romance movies and romance books, I am a complete romantic. Maybe that's why those movies/books make me so sad. Because it just comes from someones imagination. Things like that don't really happen in real life. In the fantasy world, people are kind, loving, romantic, thin, beautiful and strong. Have you ever heard of a romance between a 300 pound hag with a wart on her nose? yeah, me neither. Unfortunately, I'm a realist. I don't believe in fairy tales, they're just stories. This is the real world, fairy tails don't exist. Sometimes you meet someone who makes you believe in fairytales. But they never last. There is no such thing as happy ever after. There is just happy for now. Love always ends. Maybe he'll leave you for another woman, maybe he'll just tire of you and if you're one of the lucky ones ... maybe he'll die on you. The last one is the hardest. How can you hate someone for dying?? I sure can't. I guess it's time to play some video games and wait for the blessed numbess to set in again.