I feel like crying...

I'm feeling so lousy today. You know how people have fat days? Well I don't feel fat today, I feel absolutely monstrous!! Not fat, huge, or ginormous ... but overwhelmingly MONSTROUS!I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I hate what I see. I feel like no one is never going to love me or find me beautiful. Of course I've been told I'm beautiful ... but I want someone to say it and mean it. I don't want someone...as in a man.. to say I'm beautiful because that's what he thinks I want/need to hear or because he thinks it'll help him try and get me into bed. I want someone to mean it.
I felt bad enough this morning. I weighed myself and now I'm only down 6 pounds instead of 8. So how do I fix it?? Well the logical thing to do is be more strict and maybe up the exercise to 1 hour instead of my now 40 minute workout. Instead I had 2 ... yes, 2 peanut butter squares. why? I guess food has been my comfort. It can't talk back to me and it's always there. How pathetic is that?! The funny/pathetic thing is that I didn't really enjoy them, they are super sweet and have too much chocolate on them. I feel even worse after having them. I just ate a countless amount of calories, eating something I didn't really enjoy. So I sit here feeling like a monstrous, ugly, pathetic, unloveable fattie. It's a good day.